A Victim of Bullying
Bullying. A terrible issue that handfuls of people experience in their lives. Some experience way more dramatic bullying than others. Bullying comes in many different ways, and are not always physical. An issue that we as a society need to work hard to fix. How to fix this problem is one of the hardest questions? For everyone who has met and interacted with me, you will find that they have nothing but good things to say. If you begin hangout with my friends and I, you will notice they can tease me at times and I just laugh and enjoy that. I will normally say that I have a thick skin. Many people like that aspect of me. The interesting thing is that no one has ever asked me how I became to have such a thick skin for that. Last night, that thick skin was broken from something that was taken too far. Because of that, I felt it was time to put my story somewhere. Why not on my blog? Of course, no one will really know about this post because no one ever cares enough to pay attention to my blog. If you hang around me enough, you will find there are certain things I may not participate in. Dancing is a good example. There have been many things that have been built into me psychologically that put me in a fright and run away mode for certain things. This story is the answer as to why. No one knows this story. I have never told anyone about it. No one has really asked about it. I am a victim of childhood bullying. There are a handful of different bullies in different aspects of my life that has created this thick skin over the years. I still remember most of their names, well at least their first, and I remember how they affected my life. I may have mentioned once or twice to a few people that I have been bullied, but never went beyond that. This is my story of how I was a victim of bullying.
The first time I would experience bullying was in 1st grade. His name was Ricky. He would fall under a more classic childhood type of bully, but not fully. My interactions with him only occurred during recess time. Every few days he would come walking around and spot me. He would go over and talk shit about me and push me around. I would tell him to leave me alone and he never listened. I would just run away, and he would come chasing right after me. During those days, the only way I was able to escape him was if I ran towards the yard duty person over watching everything. He left me alone most of the time when I was hanging out with my friends, but not always. One very popular thing to do in elementary school was to pile up a mound of moist dirt (always found at the bottom of the tree near the playground), pat it down firmly, then dig tunnels underneath them. The goal was for a group of friends to build the biggest dirt mound and have it stay standing after the tunnels when under them. There would be the days that Ricky would come over, push you to the ground and destroy the dirt mound. Ricky caused these type of issues for my 1st and 2nd grade years of elementary school. This might not sound like that bad of a bullying issue, but when you are that age, it brought fear to the one being pushed around and to others who saw it. It was quite possible Ricky did these to a few of use because he wanted to be viewed as the strongest and most powerful person on the playground. Since this was a long time ago, I can't really remember anything else he had done. This was about 20 years ago.
My parents transferred me out of the San Bernardino School District after 2nd grade. Took me over to the Redlands Unified School District. Redlands was a much better school system than San Bernardino. They wanted the best public school for me. For 3rd grade, I was at Arroyo Verde Elementary School. I had no issues my first year from bullying. A new elementary school, Cram, opened up the next year, and I spent 4th and 5th grade there. There was some teasing going on against me, but nothing that I would truly call bullying. For the summer break between 5th and 6th grade, I attended a week long science learning camp at the county museum. It was fun. One day, while we were having a break and having fun with a water gun fight, a few of the other kids of the camp came over saying that there is a boy who used to know me and said something mean about me. Of course, I was wondering who in the world would know me from this camp program. We walked over to a picnic area, and as we were walking up to a group of kids, I saw him looking right at me. It was Ricky. He was doing some type of program at the museum for the summer. It brought some fear back from the earlier days of my childhood. Lucky for me, he did not say much. He had a big ego with his friends he was eating with. I know we exchanged in some type of conversation, but I did not let him get the satisfaction of getting to me this time. After that week, I would never see him again.
It was time for middle school. Things were different, and I would experience two different bullies during my middle school days. In 6th grade, the teasing from different classmates began. I didn't seem to feel it was that big of a deal. 7th grade was a bad year. I found myself being bullied during pe class, more specifically, in the locker room. A kid by the name of Quinton had a locker close by tomine. He was a tough kid. It started of the name calling and verbal abuse. It went from verbal abuse to more physical. He would push me up against the medal lockers as he walked by along with the verbal abuse. Everyone else around us never did anything to stop him. I figured they didn't want to do anything to have a cause for him to do the same to them. Later on in the year, the pushing against the lockers got worse. There were times where he would pin me down to the lockers and verbally abuse me right in my face. This didn't happen every day. I was very lucky he had a different teacher than I. There were days that I would get into the locker room, dress, and be out of their before he would show up. It had seemed he was bullying other select kids as well. We would walk around to different locker room rows and either hang out of pick on others. Near the second part of the school year, he got really into pulling down other guy's shorts. His hope was to make them feel embarrassed. For the first few weeks, I never was prepared for it. Good news, there was not much satisfaction of the activity to other boys in the locker room. My biggest fear was that he would remove both my shorts and underwear. I was deeply afraid that would happen. I had a very big fear that other boys would see my penis, and use it as a way to make fun of me. It was around that time period when I was learning that my penis was different from most of the other boys because I did not get circumcised. If they had caught that glimpse of my intact penis, it could have caused others to make fun of me because I was different than them. I was lucky. It never got that far. I began getting smart, and constantly holding on to my shorts so he would fail as he walked by. He did this to a few other boys as well. I did have a fear that Quinton would get me during lunch, so I began to hang around the yard duties, and becoming friends with them. I figured he would never try to do anything while I was hanging out with the yard duties. Sadly, that came with a price. Many other classmates began making fun of me and teasing me for hanging out with the yard duties. One day, he took it outside of the locker room. We were running the mile, and as I was running, he would run right past me, and pulled down my shorts for everyone to see. I said something right before he went for the shorts, so I was able to stop them before they got down past my knees. The pe shirt was long enough to cover what was exposed. I stopped for a moment, then kept on going. As I rounded the street corner, and was running back towards the school, I noticed an old friend, Jordan, crying on the park bench near my pe teacher. He was one of my best friends in 4th and 5th grade, and our friendship faded during 6th. I stopped doing the mile, I walked over to him, and asked what happened. He said one kid had fully pulled down his shorts while he was running. I knew right away what happened. It was Quinton. I told the teacher near Jordan that I knew who did this, because it happened to me as well. Since I knew who, the pe teacher send Jordan and myself to the Vice Principle's office to give a report. Quinton got into trouble that day. I think he got suspended for a few days. All I know was, after that day, his bullying towards me stopped. There would be a small verbal thing once in awhile, but nothing like it was. He would be probably the worst bully I ever had. I don't think I ever told on him because of fear of being officially beat up. Outside of Quinton, I often got teased or made fun of in between classes and such from other people on different things.
In the summer times of middle school, I was apart of the Redlands YMCA Y-Alliance, which was their teen group. My friend there was Colt. After 7th grade, even Jordan was apart of the Y-Alliance. It was great, but I often got teased by other teens. I think it was because I was friends with Colt. He had some mental disabilities, nothing that bad, but that made him different and not popular. Since I chilled with him, it was natural for the group to pick on me as well. The summer between 7th and 8th grade, I experienced some bullying from a large african american girl who was in high school. She was known for pushing around the middle schooler's and causing trouble. One day, we went to the YMCA in San Bernardino to use their swimming pool. Not sure why we didn't use the one in Redlands. We could either swim or have fun in the park. There was a ice cream man that would come by, and everyone would by things from him. This girl decided to buy those black power poppers that you through on the ground for a small spark and pop noise. Instead of tossing them on the ground, she began going around throwing them at other kids and laughing if it slightly hurt them. I ended up being one of those kids. My arms and face got covered in black marks from the poppers. The kids and I that were effected went off to tell our YMCA staff what had happened. They talked to the high schooler, and we thought we had succeeded at getting this girl in trouble. Things did not go as planned. She turned the entire story around, and the YMCA staff believed her over us. She made the YMCA staff believe we were the ones who bough the poppers and were throwing them at her. The next thing I knew, I was the one that got in trouble with the YMCA staff. Regardless that I had black marks on my face and arms, and that I have never had a behavioral problem like she has, they called my dad from work (which was right next to the park...St. Bernadines Hospital) and had him pick me up. YMCA suspended me for one day, for something I was the victim to. It was terrible. I told the parents my story, and I still do not know if they believed me or not. Later that summer, that girl broke a window in our building, and caused other issues. I believe she was kicked out of the program for good.
I did begin to gain weight in the later end of middle school, so people began teasing me on being fat. That never helps the situation. We moved in 5th grade to keep me in the Redlands Schools. Sadly, I was never accepted into the group of kids in my new neighborhood. I was made fun of in the mornings and evenings before school from a few. All verbal of course. I had other things happen like the kids at my bus stop would steal my back pack, unzip a few pockets, and run around the street with it. This caused stuff to fall out and I had to pick everything up while they all laughed at me. That happened a few times. Because I was not accepted, I stayed in the house. I never was outside. I lost most of my activities, and that caused me to begin to gain weight. I was lucky that the bus was not that bad for me. There was one person named Jason that caused issues on the bus. There was he pulled out a knife on one of my friends. He did not see him much after that. For the bus, I would get teased a little or some kids would throw things at me. Nothing to bad. Not like food or anything. Mostly small rocks and such. I did have one rock hit me in the elbow in freshman year of high school that caused me to bleed all the way to school. I had to clean it in the bathroom before classes start. We will get to high school in a min. I think the most nasty thing that was thrown at me on the bus in middle school were condoms. In 7th and 8th grade, everyone was obsessed with condoms. Many kids were beginning to have sex. There were tons of stories of kids having sex on campus behind certain bushes. It was bad. Now I was lucky it was not a used condom. Those you normally see lying around at certain locations on campus. Yeah, that was an interesting time.
High school came around. Most of everyone I was friends with were sent to Redlands High School, while I was sent to Redlands East Valley High. Because of this, my freshman year of high school was a bit lonely. The only friends I had was Colt from the YMCA and Jordan, who I have known since 4th grade. Jordan has many of his own stories for being bullied. I have no idea what they are. The beginning part of freshman year, Jordan and I would usually eat together, off in a less crowded section of school. We did get picked on from time to time. We had food thrown at us. Jordan hated it. Soon, our friendship faded away. He met new friends, and began hanging more with them. Colt met new people, and our friendship began to fad. I spent a good amount of time alone during break or during lunch. During lunch, I would eat my food fast and spend the rest of the time reading in the library or messing around on the computer. There was some teasing going on from those who knew me from middle school, but that mostly stopped. A different person would take place as a new bully, but nothing like I had before. If you don't know, I have been involved with 4-H for almost 20 years. 4-H was amazing. I felt belonged to. Everyone loved me. It was an amazing experience. Sadly, there were a few that began to tease on me. One person did it so much I would call it more towards verbal abuse than teasing. His name was Russel. My dad thought he was great. Little did he know he would tease and make fun of me quite a bit. It lasted for a few years, mostly the end of middle school and into high school until he aged out of the program. I would always feel uncomfortable around him. We held his club with a Christmas Tree Lot one year. The day we unloaded all the Christmas trees was probably the closest we got to physical. They would attempt to push me over as I was moving around these large trees, or trying to get me to drop them. I hated that night. He was a trouble maker. For the 4-H Conference called TIC (Teen Involvement Conference), he created prank wars on the guys side. His side of the cabin was the trouble makers, and my side was either the nerdy ones or the normal guys. In 4-H, I was considered a normal one. The prank wars got bad. I honestly can't remember most of the pranks, but I was super scared I was the target. Sad to say, but at the conference, I was not the main target. The very outcasted teens tended to be. I feel bad for them. The worst our side got hit by Russel's side was that some teens got tea-bagged. They pulled out their penises and testicles, and would dangle them down in the teen's face as they slept. Getting tea-bagged was my worst fear. I never got badly hit with the prank war since my bunk was next to the adult. The adult never caught them tea-bagging because that occurred where the outcasted teens slept, which was in their own little area no one paid attention to. Interesting. Today I am not the head adult for this conference. Thank god we don't have this issue today. Needless to say, I was very glad when Russel finally aged out of the program.
10th grade of high school came around. It started out as being alone, but I slowly began hanging out with a certain group. They were alright, but they didn't seem that interested in letting me join in. A different group took me in. This would be during pe class. I knew two people from middle school. They were not friends, but they were classmates. A person by the name of Manuel and Jane. They chilled with someone named Tiffany. I began hanging out and playing basketball with them. I finally had someone to hang with. I ended up hanging out with them during our break and pe class. The second semester in, I Scotty came to be in our pe class. I was invited to join them for lunch. A friendship grew, and today Jane and Scotty are two of my best friends a decade later. The rest of high school I would be teased here and there, but having an official bully had ended.
Bullying is a terrible thing. I had been pushed around quite a bit. I had an amazing childhood, but there were plenty of times I experienced fear and loneliness. Sadly, this bullying has shaped me in a way to where I will not do certain things because of the fear of being made fun of. I hate dancing. I am very afraid of looking like a fool and being judged based on that. I mentally understand I can do that stuff around my best friends, and they wouldn't care and would never officially make fun of me on that type of thing. It would just be all in fun. Even though I know that, this fear has become a second nature. It has come more of a mussel memory. Almost as if it was an instinct. Another prime example is dressing in front of other people. I know that experiences from the locker room in middle school has caused me to be afraid from changing. If you see earlier posts, you will know I have only taken my shirt off twice in front of people in the past 12+ years. A good amount of all of this, comes from bullying. I do consider myself a lucky one. The bullying could have been much worse. I never got any official injuries from it. I never got beat up, even though I got close to it with Quinton. Many kids have got hit way harder with bullying than I have. Even so. It is amazing how only a few words and actions of negativity can change a person forever.
The first time I would experience bullying was in 1st grade. His name was Ricky. He would fall under a more classic childhood type of bully, but not fully. My interactions with him only occurred during recess time. Every few days he would come walking around and spot me. He would go over and talk shit about me and push me around. I would tell him to leave me alone and he never listened. I would just run away, and he would come chasing right after me. During those days, the only way I was able to escape him was if I ran towards the yard duty person over watching everything. He left me alone most of the time when I was hanging out with my friends, but not always. One very popular thing to do in elementary school was to pile up a mound of moist dirt (always found at the bottom of the tree near the playground), pat it down firmly, then dig tunnels underneath them. The goal was for a group of friends to build the biggest dirt mound and have it stay standing after the tunnels when under them. There would be the days that Ricky would come over, push you to the ground and destroy the dirt mound. Ricky caused these type of issues for my 1st and 2nd grade years of elementary school. This might not sound like that bad of a bullying issue, but when you are that age, it brought fear to the one being pushed around and to others who saw it. It was quite possible Ricky did these to a few of use because he wanted to be viewed as the strongest and most powerful person on the playground. Since this was a long time ago, I can't really remember anything else he had done. This was about 20 years ago.
My parents transferred me out of the San Bernardino School District after 2nd grade. Took me over to the Redlands Unified School District. Redlands was a much better school system than San Bernardino. They wanted the best public school for me. For 3rd grade, I was at Arroyo Verde Elementary School. I had no issues my first year from bullying. A new elementary school, Cram, opened up the next year, and I spent 4th and 5th grade there. There was some teasing going on against me, but nothing that I would truly call bullying. For the summer break between 5th and 6th grade, I attended a week long science learning camp at the county museum. It was fun. One day, while we were having a break and having fun with a water gun fight, a few of the other kids of the camp came over saying that there is a boy who used to know me and said something mean about me. Of course, I was wondering who in the world would know me from this camp program. We walked over to a picnic area, and as we were walking up to a group of kids, I saw him looking right at me. It was Ricky. He was doing some type of program at the museum for the summer. It brought some fear back from the earlier days of my childhood. Lucky for me, he did not say much. He had a big ego with his friends he was eating with. I know we exchanged in some type of conversation, but I did not let him get the satisfaction of getting to me this time. After that week, I would never see him again.
It was time for middle school. Things were different, and I would experience two different bullies during my middle school days. In 6th grade, the teasing from different classmates began. I didn't seem to feel it was that big of a deal. 7th grade was a bad year. I found myself being bullied during pe class, more specifically, in the locker room. A kid by the name of Quinton had a locker close by tomine. He was a tough kid. It started of the name calling and verbal abuse. It went from verbal abuse to more physical. He would push me up against the medal lockers as he walked by along with the verbal abuse. Everyone else around us never did anything to stop him. I figured they didn't want to do anything to have a cause for him to do the same to them. Later on in the year, the pushing against the lockers got worse. There were times where he would pin me down to the lockers and verbally abuse me right in my face. This didn't happen every day. I was very lucky he had a different teacher than I. There were days that I would get into the locker room, dress, and be out of their before he would show up. It had seemed he was bullying other select kids as well. We would walk around to different locker room rows and either hang out of pick on others. Near the second part of the school year, he got really into pulling down other guy's shorts. His hope was to make them feel embarrassed. For the first few weeks, I never was prepared for it. Good news, there was not much satisfaction of the activity to other boys in the locker room. My biggest fear was that he would remove both my shorts and underwear. I was deeply afraid that would happen. I had a very big fear that other boys would see my penis, and use it as a way to make fun of me. It was around that time period when I was learning that my penis was different from most of the other boys because I did not get circumcised. If they had caught that glimpse of my intact penis, it could have caused others to make fun of me because I was different than them. I was lucky. It never got that far. I began getting smart, and constantly holding on to my shorts so he would fail as he walked by. He did this to a few other boys as well. I did have a fear that Quinton would get me during lunch, so I began to hang around the yard duties, and becoming friends with them. I figured he would never try to do anything while I was hanging out with the yard duties. Sadly, that came with a price. Many other classmates began making fun of me and teasing me for hanging out with the yard duties. One day, he took it outside of the locker room. We were running the mile, and as I was running, he would run right past me, and pulled down my shorts for everyone to see. I said something right before he went for the shorts, so I was able to stop them before they got down past my knees. The pe shirt was long enough to cover what was exposed. I stopped for a moment, then kept on going. As I rounded the street corner, and was running back towards the school, I noticed an old friend, Jordan, crying on the park bench near my pe teacher. He was one of my best friends in 4th and 5th grade, and our friendship faded during 6th. I stopped doing the mile, I walked over to him, and asked what happened. He said one kid had fully pulled down his shorts while he was running. I knew right away what happened. It was Quinton. I told the teacher near Jordan that I knew who did this, because it happened to me as well. Since I knew who, the pe teacher send Jordan and myself to the Vice Principle's office to give a report. Quinton got into trouble that day. I think he got suspended for a few days. All I know was, after that day, his bullying towards me stopped. There would be a small verbal thing once in awhile, but nothing like it was. He would be probably the worst bully I ever had. I don't think I ever told on him because of fear of being officially beat up. Outside of Quinton, I often got teased or made fun of in between classes and such from other people on different things.
In the summer times of middle school, I was apart of the Redlands YMCA Y-Alliance, which was their teen group. My friend there was Colt. After 7th grade, even Jordan was apart of the Y-Alliance. It was great, but I often got teased by other teens. I think it was because I was friends with Colt. He had some mental disabilities, nothing that bad, but that made him different and not popular. Since I chilled with him, it was natural for the group to pick on me as well. The summer between 7th and 8th grade, I experienced some bullying from a large african american girl who was in high school. She was known for pushing around the middle schooler's and causing trouble. One day, we went to the YMCA in San Bernardino to use their swimming pool. Not sure why we didn't use the one in Redlands. We could either swim or have fun in the park. There was a ice cream man that would come by, and everyone would by things from him. This girl decided to buy those black power poppers that you through on the ground for a small spark and pop noise. Instead of tossing them on the ground, she began going around throwing them at other kids and laughing if it slightly hurt them. I ended up being one of those kids. My arms and face got covered in black marks from the poppers. The kids and I that were effected went off to tell our YMCA staff what had happened. They talked to the high schooler, and we thought we had succeeded at getting this girl in trouble. Things did not go as planned. She turned the entire story around, and the YMCA staff believed her over us. She made the YMCA staff believe we were the ones who bough the poppers and were throwing them at her. The next thing I knew, I was the one that got in trouble with the YMCA staff. Regardless that I had black marks on my face and arms, and that I have never had a behavioral problem like she has, they called my dad from work (which was right next to the park...St. Bernadines Hospital) and had him pick me up. YMCA suspended me for one day, for something I was the victim to. It was terrible. I told the parents my story, and I still do not know if they believed me or not. Later that summer, that girl broke a window in our building, and caused other issues. I believe she was kicked out of the program for good.
I did begin to gain weight in the later end of middle school, so people began teasing me on being fat. That never helps the situation. We moved in 5th grade to keep me in the Redlands Schools. Sadly, I was never accepted into the group of kids in my new neighborhood. I was made fun of in the mornings and evenings before school from a few. All verbal of course. I had other things happen like the kids at my bus stop would steal my back pack, unzip a few pockets, and run around the street with it. This caused stuff to fall out and I had to pick everything up while they all laughed at me. That happened a few times. Because I was not accepted, I stayed in the house. I never was outside. I lost most of my activities, and that caused me to begin to gain weight. I was lucky that the bus was not that bad for me. There was one person named Jason that caused issues on the bus. There was he pulled out a knife on one of my friends. He did not see him much after that. For the bus, I would get teased a little or some kids would throw things at me. Nothing to bad. Not like food or anything. Mostly small rocks and such. I did have one rock hit me in the elbow in freshman year of high school that caused me to bleed all the way to school. I had to clean it in the bathroom before classes start. We will get to high school in a min. I think the most nasty thing that was thrown at me on the bus in middle school were condoms. In 7th and 8th grade, everyone was obsessed with condoms. Many kids were beginning to have sex. There were tons of stories of kids having sex on campus behind certain bushes. It was bad. Now I was lucky it was not a used condom. Those you normally see lying around at certain locations on campus. Yeah, that was an interesting time.
High school came around. Most of everyone I was friends with were sent to Redlands High School, while I was sent to Redlands East Valley High. Because of this, my freshman year of high school was a bit lonely. The only friends I had was Colt from the YMCA and Jordan, who I have known since 4th grade. Jordan has many of his own stories for being bullied. I have no idea what they are. The beginning part of freshman year, Jordan and I would usually eat together, off in a less crowded section of school. We did get picked on from time to time. We had food thrown at us. Jordan hated it. Soon, our friendship faded away. He met new friends, and began hanging more with them. Colt met new people, and our friendship began to fad. I spent a good amount of time alone during break or during lunch. During lunch, I would eat my food fast and spend the rest of the time reading in the library or messing around on the computer. There was some teasing going on from those who knew me from middle school, but that mostly stopped. A different person would take place as a new bully, but nothing like I had before. If you don't know, I have been involved with 4-H for almost 20 years. 4-H was amazing. I felt belonged to. Everyone loved me. It was an amazing experience. Sadly, there were a few that began to tease on me. One person did it so much I would call it more towards verbal abuse than teasing. His name was Russel. My dad thought he was great. Little did he know he would tease and make fun of me quite a bit. It lasted for a few years, mostly the end of middle school and into high school until he aged out of the program. I would always feel uncomfortable around him. We held his club with a Christmas Tree Lot one year. The day we unloaded all the Christmas trees was probably the closest we got to physical. They would attempt to push me over as I was moving around these large trees, or trying to get me to drop them. I hated that night. He was a trouble maker. For the 4-H Conference called TIC (Teen Involvement Conference), he created prank wars on the guys side. His side of the cabin was the trouble makers, and my side was either the nerdy ones or the normal guys. In 4-H, I was considered a normal one. The prank wars got bad. I honestly can't remember most of the pranks, but I was super scared I was the target. Sad to say, but at the conference, I was not the main target. The very outcasted teens tended to be. I feel bad for them. The worst our side got hit by Russel's side was that some teens got tea-bagged. They pulled out their penises and testicles, and would dangle them down in the teen's face as they slept. Getting tea-bagged was my worst fear. I never got badly hit with the prank war since my bunk was next to the adult. The adult never caught them tea-bagging because that occurred where the outcasted teens slept, which was in their own little area no one paid attention to. Interesting. Today I am not the head adult for this conference. Thank god we don't have this issue today. Needless to say, I was very glad when Russel finally aged out of the program.
10th grade of high school came around. It started out as being alone, but I slowly began hanging out with a certain group. They were alright, but they didn't seem that interested in letting me join in. A different group took me in. This would be during pe class. I knew two people from middle school. They were not friends, but they were classmates. A person by the name of Manuel and Jane. They chilled with someone named Tiffany. I began hanging out and playing basketball with them. I finally had someone to hang with. I ended up hanging out with them during our break and pe class. The second semester in, I Scotty came to be in our pe class. I was invited to join them for lunch. A friendship grew, and today Jane and Scotty are two of my best friends a decade later. The rest of high school I would be teased here and there, but having an official bully had ended.
Bullying is a terrible thing. I had been pushed around quite a bit. I had an amazing childhood, but there were plenty of times I experienced fear and loneliness. Sadly, this bullying has shaped me in a way to where I will not do certain things because of the fear of being made fun of. I hate dancing. I am very afraid of looking like a fool and being judged based on that. I mentally understand I can do that stuff around my best friends, and they wouldn't care and would never officially make fun of me on that type of thing. It would just be all in fun. Even though I know that, this fear has become a second nature. It has come more of a mussel memory. Almost as if it was an instinct. Another prime example is dressing in front of other people. I know that experiences from the locker room in middle school has caused me to be afraid from changing. If you see earlier posts, you will know I have only taken my shirt off twice in front of people in the past 12+ years. A good amount of all of this, comes from bullying. I do consider myself a lucky one. The bullying could have been much worse. I never got any official injuries from it. I never got beat up, even though I got close to it with Quinton. Many kids have got hit way harder with bullying than I have. Even so. It is amazing how only a few words and actions of negativity can change a person forever.
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