A rant on frustrations and stuff

     Why do I feel as if something is wrong with me?  Why do I feel my friends and their friends and their friends friends have moved forward and I am the awkward person who isn't apart of general crowd because I don't have the experience I have.  I am 26.  I am still a virgin.  And it is driving me crazy!  All my friends have had sex.  They have drama between friends and sex.  When hanging out, they can make sexual jokes, comments, eta and they give this type of impression that I would not fully understand what they mean.  When joking things seem all the same but I try to get into the conversations and they mostly act as if its disgusting.  Why?  Is it me?  Is because I a fat?  Is it because if they were not my friends, and just saw me as a random person they would never consider having sex with me?  That must be it.  Girls see me, they meet me, think I am a nice and awesome guy, but never would think of going anywhere but into a friend zone.  What else could it be other than me being fat.  Maybe its something else...no offense to this friend...I have a friend who is over weight, and she gets fucked all the time.  And I end up hearing the details.  The details don't bother me, but it drives me insane that she is able to get guys and have sex all the time and her I am with no luck at all.  If its not the weight, what could it be?  There are days where I become so sexually frustrated, than it drives me crazy.  My hormones are just raging out of control every single day and I just don't have an out let.  Sure, there's masturbation,  but it just doesn't settle the need to be touched, to be teased, to be pleasured, to go wild with a person.  Even if not for sex, just to be kissed, to be hugged, to be shown passion.  Everyone Seels to get their fill and I just sit here and suffer. 

     Why do I even think that it might be something wrong with me?  My logic knows there is no issues, and that I am not the only one experiencing this.  Nothing is wrong with me,  I just am not on that section of my life path.  Not sure you call it logic...maybe emotions.  The peer pressure.  People from my friends to their friends joke around at times about me being a virgin, and a few place it in a tone where it is bad thing.  There are times people get too carried away that it becomes almost too much, and I feel that I am still this very old virgin (in their eyes) and something is wrong with me.  It drives me crazy.  I get in this bad feeling when it goes to far.  Because I am nice in nature, I just keep taking the hits, and try to let them pass.  My last trip to Vegas, it was terrible.  Almost a good portion of the night, I was taking hits of joking about a virgin.  It got so bad, it made me feel left out, isolated, not apart of this club that everyone should have been in.  If they all have been lucky, and I am not, it has to be me right?  I hate it!  The biology side of things have been going crazy since middle school.  I feel it drives me more insane now than ever before.  Of course, I can control then urges of my body, just try to tame them...which does not work to well with self containment. 

     I guess its something I will not know.  Its just a life issue that I shouldn't worry about.  What even brought this to thought to where I need to rant it on a blog that no one reads or cares to read.  New Years.  I want to have that special someone t share special moments of life.  Some things as simple as a kiss on new years when the clock hits 12.  Even make it into a more passionate love making experience.  I want that!  Why have I not been successful like everyone else?  I wish I had someone to express this too.  Everyone will just say oh its OK...your time will come, or they will just try to find someone for me to fuck, and it will not be a special kind of sex that makes it the most wonderful thing ever.  I don't want just a random fuck buddy. 

     I am desperate.  These type of things makes me feel alone.  It makes me feel like no one will care for me in that way.  I feel as if something is wrong with me based off how my friends act.  It feels as if its possibly something wrong with me, probably physical, and that I don't see a change in luck soon. It's sad that I even felt that way in my last relationship. I seem cursed to always be placed in the friend zone and nowhere else, or everyone is already taken.  Fuck this sucks.  I am so frustrated, I can't even write this post in an organized manner on the subject.  Of course, who cares?  No one will read this.  This free write is just s way for me to get my thoughts out of my head so I can go to bed or focus elsewhere.  Anyway, I feel alone at times, desperate, sexual frustrated, horny, un loved, and its because there is something wrong with me.  This is one of the missing things in my life.  And that I feel left out compared to everyone else....I can't think of shit to type any more so I'm stopping

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