The Struggle Continues

     While on winter break, I noticed a job opening for the Front Desk & Game Room of our student union on campus.  I applied with good hopes.  I had received a call yesterday while in class that they called in regards to my application.  I called back to leave a message.  As I was sitting in the lecture hall waiting for my Government and Business Relations class to start, I got a call.  I went outside to take it.  The man who called told me that they had filled up the position, but there was another opening.  They had openings for Maintenance.  This would be the fancy word for being janitors.  I had declined.  I am not going to go down that deep from my last job to be a janitor.  With this the struggle to get out there in the world continues.  It fucking sucks!  The only thing that seems to be slowly pushing forward to end this struggle is college.  Other than going to school, currently I have no money.  Have not made money since September 2011, and its slowly taking its toll.  I want to be out there, and do amazing things. Sadly, those amazing things cost money.  So many basic jobs are looking for experience in ways that I don't  and the jobs that I have experience for are full time jobs.  I can't do a full time job and be a full time student.  Out of the biggest of the struggle is the need to be out of this house!  I so want to be on my own, and really move out when Scotty gets his house.  If I had a good paying job when he got his house, I would be one of his roommates, which would be kick ass!  Sadly, at this point of time, the struggle continues.  I will look around for jobs again, but at this point, my hope is down in the dumps.  What keeps me from going crazy?  I would say that all the things I do in 4-H are really helping me from become depressed and struggle even more from this issue.   The storm always gets worse before it ends right?  How much longer do I need to ride this fucking storm?  I'm getting quite sick of it! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Earning a Masters During a Global Crisis

Image
The past fourteen months have been among one of the most challenging yet rewarding chapters in my life.  A rollercoaster of emotions filled with hope, fear, exhaustion, stress, sense of community, success, burnout, loneliness, and everything in between.  This wild ride began in February 2020, when I returned to school to earn a Masters of Science in Organizational Leadership (MSOL) from the University of Redlands.  The choice to return to school was two fold.  The first was to learn and overflow my toolbox with skills to be a stronger leader that will positively increase my leadership at The Wildlands Conservancy, the California 4-H Youth Development Program, and beyond.  The second was that it was the right time in my life to return to school.  I was financially sound with no debt, currently single with no family, and qualified for some financial assistance through work to help pay for the program.  As I stepped on campus for the first time for the program orientation in mid-February,
Read more

Reflecting on 2016

      2016 was a great year.  It was filled with adventure, life milestones, hard work, and possibilities for 2017.  Since I have not written on my blog for the year, I wanted to reflect on some of the changes that have happened.       As 2015 was coming to an end, I had learned that Executive Headquarters at The Wildlands Conservancy, which happens to be located next to our Oak Glen Preserve office where I was working as a Naturalist, had a position open for an Administrative Assistant.  I love working for Wildlands, and I would jump at anything to have a career working for Wildlands.  I applied.  We had an interview, and I thought I nailed it.  A few days later, our Executive Director paid me a visit at the Oak Glen Preserve office.  He had told me that they chose to go with a different person for the position.  Immediately, I became very upset (internally) that I did not get the position.  Before I had a chance to say anything, Dave said they had a different position for me.  Beca
Read more

Coming Out

Growing up was not always easy for me.  Throughout my childhood, I experienced multiple periods of bullying by different individuals.  These periods of time imprinted emotional scars that continue to influence my actions today.  Overcoming these scars have proved to be one of the most challenging personal battles I have ever faced.  My experiences with bullying peaked in late middle school to early high school; a time when many are discovering more of who they are.  To avoid providing more fuel to the fire, I tucked away certain thoughts, feelings, actions, and more deep inside.  Parts of who I am turned into a secret, in which was kept hidden from everyone (except for one person).  Words can never express the amount of emotional stress that followed to keeping a secret like this.  I went through many episodes of confusion, anger, sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness.  These episodes lasted all the way to college.  For help, I turned to the internet.  I began meeting people who were
Read more