Ranger at Bluff Lake
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| First Patrol as Ranger |
As I walk the .8 miles around the lake, I take in the beauty of the landscape. I made the stupid mistake of leaving my DSLR at home. At least I had my cell phone camera to record my first patrol. It was quiet. Well quiet as in no people to be seen. Just the sound of the wind and the birds singing their songs. I was suprised to see the willows still growing their new set of leaves for the season, and that most of the wildflowers (except for the Western Wallflower) have not yet bloomed. After the patrol, I didn't have anything to do but to just sit around and wait for Doug's return. Three hours later he returned via his motosports bike (it was faster). As he arrived, I was trying to learn to identify the different conifer trees of the reserve (which were only 4). He handed me the keys and the phone. Quickly left after that due to rain down the mountain. Lucky for him, he didn't need to train me as much since I have been working at the Oak Glen Preserve for the past 9 months. Soon after he left, I closed the property and retreated to the trailer.
The first night was terrifying. For the first time in my life, I was alone in a forest with very little cell reception and no internet access. I started the job knowing of this, but for someone who has lived in a suburb for his entire life with people all around, this was very outside of my comfort zone. I never left the trailer once. Not even to pee. I pissed right from the door into the darkness. My heart pounding with a fear that something was going to drag me off into the forest. At every little sound I heard, it felt like a mini panic attack. In order to keep me from having a complete freak out, I cleaned and organized the trailer. It needed it anyway. It was dirty. Rat shit all over the place, and the counters were terible. After cleaning, I pulled all the ranger materials, which were all over the placed, organized it and put everything in one area of the trailer. By time I was done, I was tired. It took me forever to sleep. The moon was out, which the moonlight was bugging me. That wasn't the worse part of the night. The entire trailer was filled with small noises. I was having mini panic attackes at each one. I learned I had nothing to worry about. All the noises were several moths trying to escape through the trailer windows. The only noises that soothed me were the calls of a Great Horned Owl and the Wesern Toads by the lake. As I stayed longer at Bluff, I would begin to calm down. Hell, im writing this blog post a month later sitting in the darkness of the trailer not caring what I hear. My big concern with the night is having people coming in, especially when I am asleep. On my second shift, a week and a half after memorial day, someone broke into the forest service gate at the entrence to the access road to Bluff (which I open and close everyday). This freaked me out. Whoever they were, they were on a mission. I have no idea what that mission was, but those people could have walked right past my trailer. There was no evidence of anything stollen and the empty camp next door had no break ins. It put me at a realization that people could be my biggest threat up here with rattlesnakes, wildfires, and bears. On a side note, today is 4th of July. As I write this, I can hear the explosion of fireworks being shot over Big Bear Lake. Funny, if I didn't know the date and it was my first shift, I would be freaking out! Kinda interesting. It sounds as if there is canon fire at a battle ground near by. I bet that is one reason why we use fireworks in celebration of the 4th. Reminders of the revolutionary war? Anyway, back on topic!
Changes in how I do things needed to be made up at Bluff. Water usage is the first. Until I get the ok to hook up a hose to the camp next door, I had only 44 gallons to work with. I also had to make sure I catch the water used. With no way to empty the grey water from the trailer, I would have to catch it and dump it outside. Because of this, I could only use biodegradable soap, which isnt a bad thing. The biggest downside to this is the shower. I dont have a good method to shower and not let the water drain into the grey water tank. The trailer has two showers. One inside and out outside. You can probably guess what I did next. I didnt need a shower memorial day weekend, but the second time at Bluff, when I am there 5 days, it was greatly needed. After closing, I decided to give the outdoor shower a try. It took alot for me to be nude outside, but I did it. Noone was around anyway. If they were, they would learn not ignore signs and be here after hours. There were two big downsides. The first was the shower head hose was not long enough, so I had to squat down to wash anything above the belly button. Second, I was bit by so many mesquitos from being nude near sundown. It was bad! A small price to pay to be clean. I plan on buying a plastic tub to put into the shower to catch water. I would continue to use the outdoor shower, but the camp is now in session and they would see everything. That would be bad. Good news is I now have a hose hookup to the camp. I wont have to conserve as much water until the camp closes for the season. When that happens, ill even have to poop outside ( which I had to do for a day a week ago due to the camp water being turned off). Electricity usage is the second biggest change. The trailer has two car batteries. They are recharged with solar panels, but that doesnt mean I can waist the power. I only have power for lights and the water pump. Not for the power outlets. The power will be a big issue in the fall, when the solar panels wont get much light in order to charge the batteries. The camp has offered to hook up the trailer to their power. I decided I will if I need to.
The biggest challenge of them all out here at Bluff is dealing with being alone and much free time. Being alone doesnt bother me, but lonelyness does. With very limited human contact out here for a good amount of time leaves me with my thought. These thoughts can and have pushed episodes of lonelyness. I hate being lonely. The amount of friends I have are in small amounts, I feel that noone sees me as someone they would date, my sexual fustration is off the charts due to extremely limited physical contact my entire life, and I have noone who I love and care for. All of this builds extremely high when out here. Not an issue on days of higher visitation where I can interact with people. I am allowed to have visitors, and they can stay the night. I have tried a few times to get people up here with no luck. Today is 4th of July, and I invited many people to come up for an overnight stay. The plan was to hike to Castle Rock to watch the fireworks from there. Noone came. Instead, I sat here in a dark trailer writing most of this post. I learned when I got home that a person I had considered more of a brother than a best friend, Scotty, even came up to Big Bear for that day. He was only 4 miles away from Bluff Lake, and he had no interest to even see his best friend for just a few moments. Though this post is not about our friendship, this action has confirmed that he is no longer my brother or best friend. How do I live with all this free time, especially when noone is here or after the sun sets. Very few things I can do really. I read. I sit around just absorb what is around me. I learn more about the reserve (e.g. flora and fauna). I sit in the trailer and listen (sometimes sing) to music. I color in a coloring book. I play video games on my Nintendo 3DS XL. I sleep. It takes a strong person mentally to be outhere. Lucky for me, I am strong. I believe that Bluff Lake will make me even stronger. It would just be nice to have someone here to talk about these things.
There are pros and cons to everything. The pros of being here are way greater than the cons I discussed above. Making money, gaining work experience, working outdoors, health benefits, and high potential in building a career with the conservancy makes it all worth it. In talks with human resources, it is highly possible to return as a Naturalist in the late fall. There is also a good chance of moving to a full time position in the next year. Our HR person even mentioned they want to expand their northern California properties where new positions will open up. As long as my schooling is done, I have no hesitation to move up north to work full time for the conservancy. Well, I feel this blog post is long enough. There may be more blogs about Bluff in the future.
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