The On-going Dilemma

     I seem to have a re-occurring dilemma in my life over the past few years.  The dilemma of going forward with my life.  Next week is the end of my 7th year in college, and it sucks because I am still an undergraduate.  It has been 2 1/2 years since I had lost my job.  I was hanging out with Jane and Scotty tonight.  Scotty has been throwing around possible job options for me.  Sadly, they just are not quite the ones I am interested in, or have enough skills for.  I feel like I am in this dilemma to where I should not be wasting my time being a volunteer for 4-H.  I should be getting a job.  Need to focus on finishing school (which I am).  I also need to start working towards finding a potential career to pursue after I finally graduate.  I feel bad that I am still living with my parents, even though I know there are many people my age still living with their parents (it is a sign of the times).  I feel it is time to start doing less in the 4-H program.  The biggest one, is being on the state tech team.  Of course, I have decided this will be my last term serving on the team.  I feel I need to step down from my involvement in the state, and to only focus on the south section level and the county level (well, only for summer camp).  

      With summer coming around, I will have much free time, and I feel bad that I have so much free time, and I am just doing nothing towards the advancement of my life.  To say, I love my life, but I feel I need to change things and get with the program.  It's funny.  A part of me would love to have an entirely new experience.  Not school.  Not 4-H.  Just something completely new.  A good example would be to go work for a place like a camp, and start something new.  Should I try for it?  What would stop me from changing? Fear? The unknown?  The disappointment from those expect me to do things in the 4-H program?  I really don't know.  Now, I don't get this feeling a lot of the time, but I tend to when hanging out with my friends, or just talking to fellow students at school.  

      I so want to write more about my feeling on this, but I can't really get around describe how I am feeling.  Mainly because I am exhausted.  And it is late.  This is something I will have more time to think about over the summer I guess.  I first have to survive finals, then a trip to New York and Canada.  I guess im out then...

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