Sarah and I break up again and for the final time
Note: This blog contains a small hint of sexual related topics. If you are uncomfortable reading about it (don't worry, its just mentioned, no full details) then please don't read. Grammar on this post is weak, but this was written as a free write style post, so bad grammar is expected.
So if you read past blog posts, you will know that Sarah and I had broken up and gotten back together. I had given us another chance, and based off the title of this post, you will learn that we have broken up again, at the beginning of this week.
In the time between getting back together and now, I had flown her down here to spend a week at Christmas. We went to San Diego for an overnight trip. The trip was supposed to be amazing. Would go to Sea World, have a great dinner, go to our nice hotel (right on the water front on the north end of San Diego Bay looking out at downtown) and have a romantic evening (planned to lose my virginity), wake up whenever, have a good breakfast, explore downtown, then go home. Lets just say the trip didn't happen that way. I wasn't really enjoying myself, and Sarah and I didn't really talk all to much during dinner, and that romantic evening ended up having Sarah upset over me having us drop our luggage off in the room before taking photos of downtown at night, which ended up her just going right to bed. I ended up staying up till 1 am in the quite room with just my thoughts. The next day seemed the same way. All over, the trip was a very big disappointment.
Christmas was alright. Christmas night we had some alone time after everyone was asleep, but nothing went anywhere past the general making out. From watching how other couples act, we didn't seem to have this connection going between us where we can talk and have fun and love each other. She went home, and things started to get worst. New Years Eve/morning we had tried sexting, which ended up being a one way road of me just typing everything and sharing photos, which she didn't contribute whatsoever in anyway. Through the month of Jan, we never had things to talk about, other than asking each other basic questions, which we had been doing for quite some time, and it was getting old.
All over all, my feelings for her had been lost, and I kept giving chances because I hate to break someones heart, but nothing was happening. Sarah had mentioned on Monday about how she feels things arn't going well, and I finally told her the next morning that I don't love her, and it was time to end the relationship. I had felt nothing. When we kissed, I felt no connection of love, just some excitement in the pants (which isn't love). We have so different views of life, and goals. Example she wants a big family, have a farm and would prefer to live in the country. I want a small family, live in the suburbs style area like where I grew up, and push my kids to be as successful as possible.
We had been shady for quite some time, and it was finally time to end it. I am a little bumbed it didn't work, because I am so desperate to be loved, to have someone support me, to touch me, care for me. I want someone who shares the same types of passion in my life, who sees me for who I am, and wont change anything about myself, and that I can share an connection with. In the end it didn't work. Even though I really really want someone right now, of course part of it is because my sexual drive is driving me insaine and I need to get laid badly, but I can't focus on getting a girl right now. School and 4-H are way more important at this time. For the time being, I will let love find me. I have heard that if you do what you love, you will find the love of your life without looking, so I just need to go with that path, and see where life takes me.
Sarah and I will remain friends. She still plans on helping me with the photo contest in may, and travel with me to Washington on July. Sorry that I haven't been writing much posts. Things have been super busy. And I have been lazy.
So if you read past blog posts, you will know that Sarah and I had broken up and gotten back together. I had given us another chance, and based off the title of this post, you will learn that we have broken up again, at the beginning of this week.
In the time between getting back together and now, I had flown her down here to spend a week at Christmas. We went to San Diego for an overnight trip. The trip was supposed to be amazing. Would go to Sea World, have a great dinner, go to our nice hotel (right on the water front on the north end of San Diego Bay looking out at downtown) and have a romantic evening (planned to lose my virginity), wake up whenever, have a good breakfast, explore downtown, then go home. Lets just say the trip didn't happen that way. I wasn't really enjoying myself, and Sarah and I didn't really talk all to much during dinner, and that romantic evening ended up having Sarah upset over me having us drop our luggage off in the room before taking photos of downtown at night, which ended up her just going right to bed. I ended up staying up till 1 am in the quite room with just my thoughts. The next day seemed the same way. All over, the trip was a very big disappointment.
Christmas was alright. Christmas night we had some alone time after everyone was asleep, but nothing went anywhere past the general making out. From watching how other couples act, we didn't seem to have this connection going between us where we can talk and have fun and love each other. She went home, and things started to get worst. New Years Eve/morning we had tried sexting, which ended up being a one way road of me just typing everything and sharing photos, which she didn't contribute whatsoever in anyway. Through the month of Jan, we never had things to talk about, other than asking each other basic questions, which we had been doing for quite some time, and it was getting old.
All over all, my feelings for her had been lost, and I kept giving chances because I hate to break someones heart, but nothing was happening. Sarah had mentioned on Monday about how she feels things arn't going well, and I finally told her the next morning that I don't love her, and it was time to end the relationship. I had felt nothing. When we kissed, I felt no connection of love, just some excitement in the pants (which isn't love). We have so different views of life, and goals. Example she wants a big family, have a farm and would prefer to live in the country. I want a small family, live in the suburbs style area like where I grew up, and push my kids to be as successful as possible.
We had been shady for quite some time, and it was finally time to end it. I am a little bumbed it didn't work, because I am so desperate to be loved, to have someone support me, to touch me, care for me. I want someone who shares the same types of passion in my life, who sees me for who I am, and wont change anything about myself, and that I can share an connection with. In the end it didn't work. Even though I really really want someone right now, of course part of it is because my sexual drive is driving me insaine and I need to get laid badly, but I can't focus on getting a girl right now. School and 4-H are way more important at this time. For the time being, I will let love find me. I have heard that if you do what you love, you will find the love of your life without looking, so I just need to go with that path, and see where life takes me.
Sarah and I will remain friends. She still plans on helping me with the photo contest in may, and travel with me to Washington on July. Sorry that I haven't been writing much posts. Things have been super busy. And I have been lazy.
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